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PLAYLIST


FANSITE

NAME: Eugene R.Z
AGE: 19
HOBBIES: Football the beautiful game, and others

GOSSIPS

AUTOGRAPHS

Audrey
Aurelia
Colin and Kero
Crystal
Deborah
Fabian
Fred
FrostFireX Forums
Hui Ling
Huiyin
Jieting
Jun Ren
Jess
Jiesi
Jiesi-LP
Kahui
Khyrul the keeper
Larre
Leo
Loo Hui ling
Mich
Melissa
Melody
Phay Key
Poline
Shyang Long
Si hui
Sock Ling
Tiffany
Tsz Man
Wanzhen
Wilson
Xiuhui
Yingsi
Yiyee
Yx,Soh

SPECIAL THANKS

[Images]: jogatv.com
[Program]: Photoshop 2.0
[Designer]: queenofheart-.blogspot.com =))

Monday, June 30, 2008


torrential despair

After a few months of going through the army, I realized I often talk to myself, much more than I had before I enlisted. Those moments under the sweltering heat, the days we leopard-crawled till our elbows bled, the unreasonable punishment we had to endure, the moment there was live-firing and I put my entire soul into the single bullet and fired..those quiet moments allowed my mind to reach out to me, as in that moment there was only me, myself and nobody else.

Today was another episode of this "self-discovery" lesson, these have really made me understand myself better, to feel the emotions raging through me and embracing it. And I was thinking why..why am I living such a simple life. I dread the routines that follow each and every day, and then when I watch Euro, Champions League or the PremierLeague, you see football heroes like Cristiano Ronaldo, inspirational as can be, single handedly bringing their team to glory. Memories of Star Wars as well, Anakin Skywalker, the Jedi, why can't I be them? Sometimes I get so sick of this life, I just wanna be special. As I was tellin my friend earlier, while running 2.4, my motivation comes from the people I overtake. I love the feeling of being on top of the world, in control, knowing that you're better and stronger than others, am I power-hungry? That's a little too drastic to describe me I guess.

Probably life has been full of downs rather than ups. Just when you thought the day couldn't get any worse, blow by blow you're taken apart. And then when you thought you could count on the special people and things that could make your day better, time by time they disappoint you as well. It hurts and that's life.. Positivity is a lie. Being positive is just a way of consoling yourself that life still has its somewhat hopelessly low number of things to look forward to.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't supposed to be an emo post, so don't for a moment think that I'm depressed or whatever fuckshit. Just another reflection of the world that we live in, the one that we hold so precious. Another reminder of the ugly side of people we always seem to see.

And today, I heard more news. Don't wish to talk about it here, some of you will know what I'm referring about. I think I know much more about your own issue more than you yourself do..and believe me. You won't wanna ask me what I think about you now cause I swear it won't be pleasant, not like you would ask me anyway. Probably you can't even be bothered what's going on in my mind.


fanaticme->10:39 PM
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